Everybody has somebody in the family who knows everyone else's business. In regular everyday life, we'd call them "nosey" or "busy bodies". But in the world of genealogy, we call them "Gold Mines". These relatives are full-to-capacity with reliable, verifiable information about the family. They can name names, places and dates for everything that happened from the time they were six years old! They typically are pack rats who save every obituary clipping, every program to any event they've ever attended, write on the backs of photos in ink, maintains the family bible, knows the phone numbers and addresses of distant relatives by heart, has never moved from the place they were born and talks ad infinitum. A true historian in their own right, these relatives can open doors to your past in ways you could have never imagined. The challenge is how to get someone who knows all-- to tell all.

We've talked about building relationships of trust. These relatives, in particular, need to know that the information you share is not going to be used to hurt anyone or expose them as the source of information, in some cases. In the African American community, many times we meet resistance from relatives when we ask about things or people that for years has be very tabu to discuss with "outsiders". "Outsiders" can be defined as anyone who was not an adult at the peak of the scandal. These relatives have sworn to people who have long ago been dead, that they would never tell the "secret" that everyone else undoubtedly knows. For example, let's say you discover, on your own, that your grandmother had three children instead of the two you've always known. When you begin to question relatives about the third child, you might find yourself in a vortex of "I don't know's" or "I was busy with my own life...". Some would call this selective amnesia. For the genealogist, it is comparable to the 1870 "brick wall". How do you move forward with the interview when you know that the relative isn't telling you the truth? Let it go. If you push too hard, not only will you upset an elderly person but you might ruin your chances to revisit the question again with that relative and all others she will be sure to tell. You can only conclude that the third child your grandmother had is still alive and the scandal probably included a married man. Accept that fact that your sweet Nana might have been a rolling stone in her youth. Let it go...for now. Follow up with a phone call and then a visit. If the relative lives in another state, you should make plans to visit sooner rather than later. Face to face interviews generally yield more results. It also gives you the opportunity to take pictures of the area your family members lived, the Churches they attended, their grave sites, etc.

The ultimate goal here is to find answers to your questions and that may take time depending upon the relative's allegiance or fear. If you show genuine interest in them, as a person, you'll get the answers you need.